all text and images 1975 - 2007 / Taylor Shellen

Thursday, August 24, 2000

Scoundrel
I too was disgusted and amazed when Richard was awarded the One Million Dollars. How could the others let that happen? That guy's a weasel. Has anyone else heard the rumor that he was arrested recently on child abuse charges? Kelly was the only one out of the final four that I would have wanted to see the money go to. And what's up with Sue? Holy possesed by Satan. What a freak. I've decided that I will watch the next Survivor in the begining of the series while everyone is still being nice to one another. I'll find something better to do when they start to get sneaky and vote off all of the really nice people (ie. Greg, Grechen, etc.) just because they know that a jury of their peers would clearly see through their own conniving behavior.

Wednesday, August 23, 2000

I Saw Dolphins This Morning And You Didn't
I woke up far too early this morning to drive for an hour in the dark to go surf with my friends. When I arrived at oh so foggy Sand Dollar Beach I was treated to views of a pod of dolphins (at least I think they were dolphins) making their way south along the coast. While we were in the water, two of them returned to see what we were up to. A little later a sea otter showed up and chilled with us too. Also, the surf was chest to head high, glassy, and beautiful. Did I mention that it was just Phil, Ross, and I with not another soul in the water, just three friends chatting in between sets? What did you do before work today?

Tuesday, August 22, 2000

Eventful Weekend
Where do I start? On Friday night, Grant, Ben and I headed to Santa Cruz to check out the latest solo project of my most favorite musician ever, Mr. Leslie "Les" Claypool (of Primus fame). The show was impressive, as I knew it would be, and I even got a "potato" from the man himself. Apparently some of the bald headed apes that frequent Primus shows have taken to squeezing Les' hand as hard as possible during the traditional handshake, so he has adopted the bumping of fists (also called a potato) as a way of avoiding injury. The very next day we headed back to Santa Cruz for a little beach gathering at which Heather tried to cook her skin with the power of the sun, (and had some success too). This brings us to Sunday, this day is important because it marks the birth of the one we call "The Boy", or "The Smart One", or even sometimes "The Skinny One That We Would All Like To Flog With A Riding Crop". Anywho, Theresa and I waited patiently until it was time for the Birthday Boy to open his present from us, which included the message, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE GRANT". Now let's get this straight, Grant isn't my Uncle, he's my brother, in fact he isn't anyones' uncle at the moment, but he will be, somewhere around March 19th. More on this subject later.

Wednesday, August 16, 2000

San Diego Rules, Or What Am I Doing Here?
Sorry for the lack or posts recently, I just returned from a short trip to the holy land, San Diego. As soon as we arrived on Saturday morning we cruised down to Pacific Beach in time to catch the U.S. Lifeguard Association National Competitions, and I was able to purchase a T-shirt and continue the charade that I'm still an actual lifeguard. The very next morning I turned on the news to see that it was Opening Day for The Wave House! Check this thing out, it is perhaps the coolest invention since the beer helmet! On Monday I was treated to two hours of every surfers dream, a perfect, never ending wave. Perhaps the best twenty bucks I ever spent. The really frustrating part was that they're hiring wave operators and lifeguards, where was this thing when I was in college down there and needed a job?

Monday, August 07, 2000

Poop
Let the truth be known. The title of this post doesn't have a thing to do with it's contents. I was having a hard time thinking of something funny to post today, and let's be honest, poop is funny. How old will I be when poop ceases to be funny? I think that's as old as I'll ever need to be.

Friday, August 04, 2000

It's Official, I Totally Missed The Best Swell Of The Summer, Or Why I Need To Move To Santa Cruz
The swell that was forecast for last week came and went, and where was I? Building a dog run. There's nothing worse than knowing that the waves are thumping, and you're not getting any. Surfer Magazine always runs these photos of perfect green tubes in Santa Cruz, and I always look at them and go, "Where was I?" I've never seen a tube in Northern California in my life, (ok I have but Mavericks doesn't count since I'm not superhuman enough to actually surf there). Anyway, my point is that if I'm going to get tubed in Santa Cruz, I'm going to have to move there. (Anyone selling a single family dwelling for less than $900,000?)

Wednesday, August 02, 2000

It's too bad life isn't more like Mork & Mindy
I'm not an old guy, but drinking with my friends on weeknights seems to have more of an impact on the rest of my life than it used to. Remember on Mork & Mindy how Mork gave birth to Jonathan Winters and he was born in the fully mature state and got younger as time passed? I think that would be the way to go, your quality of life would only improve as you got older. Teenage pregnancy would drop way down because most guys would still be impotent thoughout adolesence. You could retire at twenty and really enjoy your childhood without a bunch of people telling you what to do. Sure, in the end you'd be a relatively helpless baby, but that's pretty close to what happens anyway, only more people would want to work in convalecent homes because babies are way cuter than smelly old grandpas. And who looks happier to you, some decrepid old fart peeing into a colostomy bag, or a baby trying to fit its entire fist into his mouth? That's what I thought.